Filter Through Life

Pride

Pride is one of the most destructive forces on the planet.  I am not talking about being proud of your child when he hits a home run.  I am not talking about a pride of lions either, though I imagine said pride could be quit destructive as well given the right circumstances.  I digress.  What I am talking about is pride in one’s self.  Dictionary.com (one of my favorite websites ever) defines the noun pride as the following (most applicable definitions in red):

           

1.	a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

 

2.	the state or feeling of being proud.

 

3.	a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.

 

4.	pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself

 

5.	something that causes a person or persons to be proud

 

6.	the best of a group, class, society, etc.

 

7.	the most flourishing state or period

 

8.	mettle in a horse.

 

9.	Literary . splendor, magnificence, or pomp.

 

10.	a group of lions.

 

11.	sexual desire, esp. in a female animal.

 

12.	ornament or adornment.

 

What makes anyone think they are better or more deserving than someone else?  Pride and pride alone.  I don’t care if you are a world-class, gold medal winning athlete that is a member of Mensa International and president of the PTA, you are not better or more deserving than the person serving you your pretentious grande, non-fat, mint chip, chai, mocha latte…with extra whipped cream.  We are all human beings, born imperfect and sinful.  We all need grace and we all need our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

 

My pride has been raging full tilt the last couple of days.  I have used the fact that I just had surgery, I haven’t sleep much in two weeks and I am constantly in pain as an excuse to think I am more deserving of grace and leniency from my wife than usual.  I reached the end of Cheri’s grace rope last night. 

 

I am tired.  I hurt all day long.  Yesterday just flat out sucked and Cheri did something that kind of annoyed me.  Because my nerves are currently taking up residence on my epidermis I let this…how do I put this delicately…excuse the vernacular but, piss me off.  I was a total jerk.  I didn’t yell or cuss or scream or anything like that.  I just didn’t talk.  I had a little pity party all night.  I fell asleep watching Alton Brown and Cheri went to bed without waking me or saying goodnight.  That is very unusual. 

So this morning I had to make the call.  I had to say I was sorry, and I was.  I am.  I let my pride ruin an entire evening with my loving wife, dare I say, the pride of my life.  The words didn’t come out easily, what with me swallowing while trying to apologize, but they did come out.  She forgave me as she is so apt to do.  Did I deserve it?  No, but that is what grace is all about. 

 

Maybe one of these days I will have the chance to show her a little grace.  Probably not.  That’s the problem with living with a saint.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.  Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.