Filter Through Life


Code Talkers

Legacy Fellowship is not quite big enough to support a paid staff so we all volunteer our time and work full-time jobs as well.  I sell home and commercial security systems for a large company.  Safety and the feeling it provides is priceless (of course, if you live in the Austin area and you email me, I can provide it quite reasonably).

 

My Dad is a retired Houston Police Officer of 22 years.  His idea of home security is a little different.  He gave me a home security system last week in the form of a 4” blue steel Ruger GP-100 .357 Magnum.

 

So, I was cleaning my new home security device and I thought, “You know, it would be kind of cool if someone called me while I am cleaning my gun and asked me what I am doing.”  About two minutes later Chad called me and asked, “Hey man, what are you doing?”

 

“Cleaning my gun,” I exclaimed.

 

“Cleaning your gun?”

 

“Yes, cleaning my gun.”

 

Rebecca (Chad’s wife), sounding somewhat concerned, somewhat sarcastic, asks, “Uhhh, do you need to call him back?” 

 

I reply, “What?  No, it’s cool.  I have you on speaker.”

 

“Oh, so ‘cleaning my gun’ isn’t code for something else then?”

 

“No, but that would have be a good one.”



I love my wife
August 21, 2008, 11:28 am
Filed under: Family, Funny Stories, Funny Stuff, Marriage, Relationships

So I was told that immediately after surgery, in an anesthesia-induced stupor, I loving asked for my wife.  I don’t remember it but I guess that’s kind of sweet right?  I mean, I wanted to see my wife after having had been poked, prodded, cut, lassoed and tied up. 

 

How did I ask for my wife, you ask?  I simply said what every blue-blooded American male would say if he were in my position.  I asked, “Where is my woman?”

 

I must have wanted my dinner.  J



Panic at Cedar Park Chinese Buffet

Yesterday, my wife and I had lunch with a couple from church.  I reluctantly agreed to go to a Chinese buffet as that is what they wanted for lunch.  Germaphobes and buffets don’t exactly go hand-in-hand, but that is beside the point.   

At the end of lunch our check arrived with the traditional fortune cookies.  I don’t exactly believe in fortune cookies but they are funny from time to time and they taste good.  So, I crack mine open and laugh at what it says.  I ask my wife, “Honey, are you going to tell me you are pregnant or something?”   

“Why?” 

“My fortune says, ‘Don’t panic.’”  Everyone has a good laugh.  All the while my wife is opening her fortune cookie.  When she cracks it open she begins to read, “A new adventure awaits you this weekend.”  She then asks the waiter for a paper bag because her husband is hyperventilating.  At least, that’s what they tell me.  I must have blacked out.

I’m scared.  Wait, there’s no reason to panic.  God wouldn’t use a fortune cookie to prepare me for that kind of news.  Would He?



Well, that’s one way to remain humble
February 13, 2008, 5:08 pm
Filed under: Funny Stories, Life Happens, Random Junk | Tags: ,

Do you remember as a child poking fun at people by saying something like, “If you look up ‘dork’ in the dictionary you will find Chad’s picture?”  (I could be talking about my friend (who reads this blog) or my brother (who doesn’t know I have a blog), I’ll never tell.)  I remember doing that kind of stuff.  I once looked up “cool” only to find my picture.  Okay, maybe not. 

Today, I checked how people are finding my blog.  Apparently, if you type “total geek” into Google you will find me and my blog.  Ouch!



Best office prank ever?
February 11, 2008, 9:13 am
Filed under: Funny Stories, Random Junk, Stupid Happens | Tags: ,

Being the bargain junkie that I am I subscribe to a daily email from steepandcheap.com.  Today’s email told a story of what could possibly be the greatest office prank ever.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.   

“One of the best office job pranks I’ve seen was when one of my friends had the bad sense to use his username as his password. A co-worker seated next to him guessed his password on the first try, which was remarkable in spite of its simplicity. He took a screen shot of the guy’s desktop, and then dragged all the icons off the screen and put the screen shot up as the desktop background. It’s okay if you didn’t understand that last sentence because that means you have the good sense to avoid office desk jobs. So the guy’s desktop looked exactly like it used to, except all the icons were just background pictures instead of actual shortcuts. So he spent half the morning clicking on his desktop and restarting his computer. No one else got any work done either.” 

On another note, and COMPLETELY unrelated, I can’t wait until we, the staff of Legacy Fellowship, are full-time and sharing office space.  Oh, the anticipation is killing me.

Got any other good ideas?



Budget Motorcycle Safety Course
February 5, 2008, 9:26 am
Filed under: Funny Stories, Motorcycles, Sports, Stupid Happens, That's Just Dumb | Tags:

If you are looking for a motorcycle safety course on the cheap look no further.  We meet every Thursday night at 6:00 pm at Walken Elementary School in the playground area.  Cost is $45.  Cash only please! 

For your protection please come with helmet, long pants, boots, gloves and a leather jacket.

riding-the-panda.jpg



Bad Medicine
January 18, 2008, 9:33 am
Filed under: Daily Living, Funny Stories, health, Life Happens, Random Junk, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

This weekend and the early part this week was pretty brutal for me.  I was sick; so sick that I went to the doctor.  Normally I just suck it up or just stay at home and rest.  Not this time.   

So I am prescribed a couple of drugs to help with the problem.  I take them to the pharmacy where I am informed I will have to wait 45 minutes to an hour.  Oh well, I am at H-E-B Plus so I can pick up some provisions.  When I am finished with my shopping and my prescriptions are ready I go to pick them up.  “The pharmacist would like to talk to you about these medicines,” says the friendly assistant. 

I move to the neighboring window and the pharmacist approaches with two amber colored bottles.  Big ones.  I am thinking to myself, “Self, how long do you have to take these pills?”  Not too long, actually.  Oh no, these are horse pills, they just need big bottles to hold them.  The pharmacist exclaims emphatically, and I paraphrase to spare the details, “These will help control some of the symptoms of your problem.  Take two, every six hours as needed.  They will help you feel a lot better.”  Easy enough.  “Now, this antibiotic is really strong and is going to work very well.  It is not a very pleasant medicine.  It is going to leave a bit of a metallic taste in your mouth.  And, make sure you take it with food because if you don’t you will throw it up.”  Okay!?! 

Today is four days later.  I am now able to translate her pharmacist jargon.  “Medicine that works tastes terrible so suck it up.  You are going to gag a little when you take it and for the next 5 days your mouth is going to taste like you have been sucking on an aluminum lollypop.  Enjoy.”