Filed under: Indiana Jones, Marriage, Movies, Rants, Star Wars | Tags: George Lucas, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, The Incredible Hulk
George Lucas has done it again. Mr. Lucas, the Grand Poobah of the double-dip (and more), has put his hands in my pockets again. I have owned the Star Wars Trilogy, in one format or another, several times. I had the original releases on VHS of course. I also had the original trilogy in the digitally re-mastered version on VHS. When the special edition VHS box-set came out I had to buy that as well. Finally, I just had to have the DVD box set when it was first released. Unfortunately, the box-set only includes the special edition but I simply refuse to buy this series one more time.
But I digress. I am not talking about this kind of double-dip. The kind of double-dip I am talking about is much, much worse. The kind of double-dip I am referring to comes from the dark side of the Force. A couple of weeks ago I reviewed the latest screen gem from Mr. Lucas. I refer to the forced and contrived, geriatric version of Indiana Jones. I loved Raiders of the Lost Ark and Temple of Doom. The Last Crusade was pretty good too but Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a steaming pile of doo-doo. I’ve seen it twice.
Cheri, my loving and beautiful wife, said she really wanted to see it despite my objections. I couldn’t weasel my way out of it so, much to my chagrin, I saw it again this weekend. I thought it would be a little better since I was not in a bad mood this time. I thought it might be a little better since I decided I really wanted to give it a chance. Deep down I wanted, and still do want to love it. I still hate it.
As a matter of fact, despite the fact that I was in a good mood when we went to see it, the movie going experience was a whole lot worse. There was a couple two seats down from me that wouldn’t stop talking. I mean TALKING, not whispering. I think the movie was a little too loud for their liking so to protest they talked over it…the whole stinking time. To make matters worse, the dude sitting one seat down from me wouldn’t even move his feet when I had to go to the restroom. I said excuse me twice; once with my face directly in front of his because I was off-balance. I should have acted like I tripped and sat in the dudes lap.
So anyway, I can’t wait to go see The Incredible Hulk or something. I have to get this bad taste out of my mouth. If everything I have heard about The Hulk is accurate then at least one of my childhood icons will not be reduced to a deleterious pile of stinking awful.
P.S. Honey, I hope you know how much I love you. I would have done this for no one but you. Talk about nurturing! This in going on my accountability report. J
Filed under: Indiana Jones, Movies, Random Junk, Rants, Star Wars | Tags: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Star Wars
There are always some childhood dreams that are inevitably going to be crushed. ***Spoiler Warning*** In my short time here on earth I have learned that the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are not real. I now know can’t live on a diet of M&M’s and Jolt Cola and not get diabetes (or at least fat). What goes up must come down; that pertains to kites, bottle rockets, baseballs and pectoral muscles (this phenomenon is known to create moobs).
Another one I learned several years ago was that there was apparently know way to find out what Darth Vader was like as a kid and adolescent without sitting through the abominations that were Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace and Episode II – Attack of the Clones. Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith was the best of the worst and that isn’t saying a lot. I blame George Lucas for crushing the dream that was Star Wars. I loved it as a kid. I loved Luke Skywalker. I loved Chewbacca. I loved to hate Darth Vader. Most of all, I loved Han Solo. One thing I am thankful for is that he was not in the prequels or my view of him would be forever tainted.
As we all know, Han Solo was played by one, Harrison Ford. He is the only person I can think of that has played two iconic figures in two of the greatest geek trilogies filmed. He WAS Han Solo and he WAS Indiana Jones. I was so excited, yet I had my apprehensions about it since George Lucas was involved. My apprehensions were spot on.
Apparently, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are The Constructicons of Hollywood and they combine to form the Devastator of childhood dreams (I know there has been a lot of geek talk here but if you stay with me I guarantee there will be an end). First Star Wars and now Indy. What’s next, E.T. 2: Elliot in Space? How about Saving Private Ryan: James’ Revenge?
Is it not enough that our movie heroes get old in the real world? At least we can suspend our disbelief for a little while and believe that Indy can still handle a whip. At least we can save the vine swinging for the Tarzan movies and the army of monkeys to The Wizard of Oz or Planet of the Apes. At least the Indy I grew up with delivered sharp dialogue instead of the garbage I was subjected to last night.
Maybe I set my standards too high. Maybe I was expecting way too much. Is that my fault or the filmmakers? Should I have to lower my expectations to enjoy a movie that could and should have been a whole lot better? No.
So my suggestion is for George Lucas to retire. Mr. Lucas has double, triple and quadruple dipped his hands into the public’s pocket for years with his umpteen different “definitive” releases of Star Wars. He has enough money. STOP MAKING BAD MOVIES!!!
Mr. Spielberg, I know you two are buddies and all but the man has lost it. Don’t let him influence you anymore. Hang out at barbeques and talk about your millions but don’t make another film with him involved. Please, you aren’t getting any more of my money if you do.
Filter Through Life 